A LETTER TO THE HEARTBROKEN
Friend, we’ve all been through heartbreaks and loss. We’ve all had expectations that just fell through. We’ve all floated on the good for a while, but now it’s a different season and though our hearts may dwell in sadness, it won’t be like this forever. Maybe your heart is bruised by the loss of a relationship, a sickness, a business fallen, a dream ripped apart, watching a loved one in pain a situation that won’t change or an unwelcomed twist and change in your life. Whatever it may be, whatever you did or they did to you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the consequences, the aftermath, for your heart breaking, but you are not alone.
I know your days may seem slow and agonizing, but it gets easier. I promise there will be better days ahead. Believe it or not, time is your friend. Give yourself permission to trust time, because time heals. There is no time limit on your feelings. Some days seem eternal and you can literally feel the emotional exhaustion through your body. Other days it’s easier to get by. Soon enough you will notice that feelings and memories fade. You won’t think about it so much and realize that it’s a matter of balance, of allowing those moments and feelings come in like waves, but moving on at the same time.
It’s good to be busy, to be distracted, to take your mind off the sadness, but it’s also necessary to stop and acknowledge what you are feeling. Don’t be afraid of it, you won’t get stuck there. You begin the process of healing when you give yourself permission to just feel. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t ignore your feelings, and don’t get comfortable feeling numb either. Think of yourself as a bottle being filled up with emotions. That bottle has a limit and eventually it will burst. So when you feel yourself reaching that point of fullness, of being overwhelmed, let it all out. Cry. It’s okay to cry, the body literally is telling you it needs to release. I find after a good cry, I feel so much better. I feel lighter. I have purged the burden inside of me.
Friend, don’t forget all the good things you have right now. From the smallest things to the bigger things. Allow yourself to live in the present. Don’t replay the past over and over and torment yourself on what you could have changed or what you should have done. Throw the shoulds out the window. It is what it is. Don’t overthink, don’t overanalyze.
Remember all those things that made you happy once? Do them. Don’t wait for others to make you happy. Buy yourself flowers, go to the movies, treat yourself to a good meal, and enjoy that glass of wine. Despite what you may be feeling, don’t shut others out. Say yes to those invitations, spend time with friends. You need a good laugh; you need that laugh till you cry and your stomach hurts type of laugh and goodness. Laughter heals. Also, try something new; don’t think about it too much. Just say yes, if you don’t like it, who cares? Try something else. Eventually you’ll find your groove and rediscover yourself.
Give yourself some TLC (tender loving care). Treat yourself as you would a small child. Value a good night’s sleep. Your body and mind need rest. You will feel rejuvenated and ready for a new day. Treat your body well; eat some greens and healthy foods. This totally changes your mood and energy. Eating pizza all day will just make you feel lazy and tired. Go out for a walk, literally stop and smell the roses! Just treat your body with love.
This heartbreak gives you the chance to be the bigger person and grow. Humility is strength. Many resort to anger and revenge. They don’t see that in the end they only poison themselves. Don’t be like them. Remember that what others say and do is a projection of their own reality. Nothing others do is because of you (Don Miguel Ruíz).
There is someone out there who is going through the same. Opening up and sharing brings people together. Don’t believe that nonsense that you have to act tough. People are drawn to authenticity. Bravery and strength aren’t shown in doing it all alone. Vulnerability is strength, being real is brave. If the load is too heavy, seek help. It takes courage to admit you need that shoulder to lean on, that hand to pull you up, the push to keep you going, that guidance to help you see better. Allow others to help you do the mending. What you’re going through it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
This is also a time to give others what you need. What you put out into the world you’ll see it unfold back to you. In the midst of caring for others you’ll open your eyes to the goodness and love that’s been around you all this time.
I know change is hard, but it’s also an opportunity for new beginnings. Each day is a new day to start over. Is there something you have always wanted to do? Someplace you’ve wanted to visit? Someone in your family you would like to spend more time with? An old friend you long to reconnect with? A class you’d like to join but always say “one day, one day”. The day is today, my friend.
Don’t close your heart. Don’t let your heart grow hard, for the hard hearts tend to hurt others. I promise that if you let your heart stay open, to be hopeful and say yes to new things, life will surprise you, and you’ll see that where you are now is so much better then where you longed to be.
I’m sorry to say, but you will be heartbroken again, my friend. Such is life. But remember that no matter how many times you are devastated, you have everything within you to get through it. Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t fear what may happen in the future. Look back on all the times you’ve made it through. You’ll make it through again.
I encourage you to pray. Praying brings peace. There’s no perfect way to pray. I imagine God sitting right next to me, it’s like we’re just having normal conversation. I pour out my feelings and He responds with a thought that reassures me that He has control over everything and reminds me that he is God and I’m not. It’s time to let go of the need for control.
And friend, most importantly, forgive yourself. You are only human.
Suddenly one day, you will see the broken pieces mend back together. Something or someone unexpected will make your days shine bright and new again, and one day you’ll look back and not feel so hurt anymore. Your mind will think less and less over that heartbreak and you’ll realize that you are healing. You’ll be able to look back and say thank you, because “I’m in a better place”. You will smile and feel brand new. So make peace; give your thanks, because you learn from these experiences and heartbreaks.
“Be thankful for every heartbreak, for they were planned. They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. Their purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you to transform your life. And you do.” –unknown.
…And know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God Romans 8:28
To those who have helped me mend back together, Thank you a million times, over and over.
With love and courage,